My Ex is Constantly Late for Drop-offs and Pickups
Co-parenting after divorce is often filled with one issue or problem after another, even when parents get along fairly well. One of the biggest annoyances for many divorced parents is when the other parent is never on time for pickups and drop-offs. Although it is not uncommon, this can be a frustrating situation. Perhaps your ex-wife was chronically late during your marriage, or maybe this is something new that is actually meant to annoy you.
Unless you and your ex-wife also have a laundry list of other co-parenting problems, it could be best to try to find a solution outside the court system before you start filing motions and have to return to court. It is also extremely beneficial to discuss the situation with an experienced child custody attorney who can assess your specific situation and help you determine whether court intervention is appropriate.
Addressing Chronic Lateness
If you and your ex-wife are not able to sit down and have an open discussion about child-rearing issues, then it could be helpful to involve a neutral third party. A trained marriage and family counselor or a mediator might be able to keep the discussion on track and help your ex-wife realize that being chronically late is disrespectful to you and hurts the children in the process.
Some parents who know their ex is chronically late simply structure the pickup and drop-off times with built-in "buffers." If your children are younger, tell them their other parent will pick them up at 5:00 if the pickup time is 4:30, so they will not be chronically worried about whether he or she will show up. If the drop-off time is at noon on Sunday, mentally train yourself not to expect the children until 1:00—then you will be pleasantly surprised if the other parent shows up on time.
Ask your ex-wife if she would mind sending you a quick text if she will be late for a pickup or drop-off time. If you strive to stay as neutral as possible during these discussions, the results are likely to be friendlier than if you approach the situation with accusations and anger. Most therapists agree that chronic lateness is telling the other person that "my time is more important than yours." This may not be deliberate, but subconsciously or not, it is still annoying.
When Is It Time for Court Intervention?
If talking, counseling, or mediation do not work, and the problem continues to worsen, it may be time for court intervention. Before you take this step, make sure you have documentation of each time your ex-wife was late, as well as how many times you have discussed the issue with her. Accountability is important, and if the issue has escalated to much more than a minor annoyance, a judge may need to convince your ex-wife how important being on time really is.
The judge may order that the meeting place for child exchanges be a neutral location, like a local McDonald’s. A minor purchase provides proof in the form of a receipt that you were on time. If the offending parent refuses to be on time, the judge may even reduce parenting time and change the parenting plan. This is usually a last resort and a step taken when the parent’s tardiness is also affecting the child by causing him or her to be late for school or extracurricular activities.
Contact an Experienced Father’s Rights Child Custody Lawyer
It can be difficult enough when your ex-wife’s chronic lateness affects you, but when it begins affecting your children as well, court action may be necessary. Judges are only interested in the best interests of the child, and if a parent’s constant tardiness is affecting the children, the judge is likely to approach the issue very sternly. You can expect the best outcome when you have an experienced child custody attorney who will aggressively fight for your rights as a father.
